Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
