i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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