TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
