I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
