i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
handjob tips. give me some.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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