Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
