Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
where are my eyebrows?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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