she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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