Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
