just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i will never coherently bang her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
