I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I want a musical about memes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
