Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
