did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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