My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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