i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
