ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He? As in you personified your dick?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
