Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
