I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
