you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize