sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
