I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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