and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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