Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
