he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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