She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
