If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
