don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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