T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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