No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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