12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize