Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
