Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
