i already hear my dad disowning me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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