He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
