jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need a beard to bite.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
