Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
