i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
