I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
