dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
