you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
