Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
