I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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