He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
