and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
