My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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