I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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