His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize