My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
