You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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