Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
