Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
