Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
