I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
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Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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