mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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