It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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