I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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