just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize