I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm both gender and math confused
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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