He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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