I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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