alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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