Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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