I think I am morally bankrupt
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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