im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
