the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
