I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
