Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
