he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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