Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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