I think I died a long time ago.
i think i have two assholes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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