I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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