Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
