can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize