i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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