mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
