I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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