Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
