I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
