my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
