Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
