i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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