Me too!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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