Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
